Archive for August 31st, 2011
After a wife’s infidelity
We hear about men cheating and coming back to the marriage but we do not hear quite as often about what it feels like for a man to have his wife cheat and then come back to the marriage. There is a difference in how a man will view his wife after she has cheated that will differ from how a woman may see a husband. The main difference is really coded in our DNA, how we function as a man and a woman in society.
When a woman cheats
Many times when a woman cheats she is not only cheating with her body but on a deeper more intimate level where feelings are involved, psychology and biology. A woman by nature of being a woman is much more emotional than a man and therefore that is part of the reason that she gets involved to begin with, because she is looking for that emotional connection and then it becomes physical. When a woman cheats as opposed to a man “she is allowing someone else to enter into her body” that statement is very powerful.
A man is still part of his DNA, biology, meaning that he wants his woman to be his and the underling factor here is that she allowed another man to enter her body and that was sacred to him that was his woman. This is not an uncommon feeling for a husband that has been cheated on. For many men to have sex with his wife after she had been with another man, he now feels like she is not his anymore, another male has marked his territory, biological. He also feels emasculated, to the point where he is now in competition with this other man on a subliminal level.
What is often asked is how to repair the sexual relationship after his wife’s infidelity. The cheating on her part is a result of a breakdown in her marriage that she was addressing by going outside the marriage to fill the void.
Why a woman cheats in a marriage there are different reasons, but the four most common reasons are:
1. She is lonely
2. She is not longer attracted to her spouse and is looking for some excitement, has fallen out of love
3. Her husband puts her down
4. The woman who needs to escape
5. The woman was the wrong choice to begin with. (not a good person)
Without understanding why the cheating happened in the first place, to even think about having sex with his wife should be put on hold until he has worked through:
1. Why she cheated in the marriage in the first place and resolves it.
2. Has she asked for forgiveness and made it clear that she is not longer involved with that person, emotionally or physically.
3. Can he forgive her and move forward in the marriage.
Can you forgive her? The last question is really important on many levels, if a husband can resolve the first two problems with his wife and they have worked through those two very important questions, can he now forgive her? Can he still see her as his woman?
If the answer is no then the marriage will not work.
If the answer is yes then they can begin to slowly repair the trust between them.
The conclusion is for all married couples’s men and woman, before you think of cheating on your spouse, talk to a professional about your marriage. Cheating is not the answer and it truly only complicates the situation even more and brings pain to the other person
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