don’t take it personally
I do not take it personal when someone says, “Aaron you are wonderful” and I also don’t take it personal when someone says, “Aaron you are awful.” I know that when people are pleased they will say, “Aaron you are such a great help,” and if people are displeased they will say, “Aaron your such a burden.” Either way it does not affect me because I trust my own judgment and know what I am. I don’t need to get the approval of others’ because I know my strengths and limitations. I am aware of my human imperfections and accepted my mistakes. I can acknowledge my success and reward my own efforts despite the absence of anyone else’s recognition. I do not depend on others to say, “Aaron you doing so well,” or “Why don’t you do better.” No, I don’t take it personally. Whatever other people think or whatever they feel is their problem, not mine. I know it is about how they see the world and find meaning to events in their life. It is nothing personal because they are dealing with themselves, not me. Other people are going to have their own opinions according to their own perception of circumstances. Therefore nothing they think or say is about me, it is really about them.
Someone may even say, “Aaron it hurts when you say that to me.” Still, it is not what I’m saying that hurts, but it is that they have emotional memories that have been triggered by what I said. They are jumping to conclusions of my intentions based on past experiences of being hurt. So they are really hurting themselves by unconsciously choosing not to explore other theories or interpretations for my comments. There is no way that I can take personal responsibility for someone else’s thinking. Its not about believing in them, or trusting them. I don’t take things personally because I know that each person sees the world differently. All humans have their own subjective perception and unique interpretation for the events they experience. All humans have an internal soap opera in their minds that they write, direct and star in. The way you see you soap opera is based on the experiences you have had and the lessons you learned in the relationships in you life.
When someone gets angry with you it is about their point of view. It is not based on any universally accepted truth. It is their choice, their view, their truth for how things “ought and should be.” Then if you get angry with me, I know that you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse, the trigger for you to get angry. And you get angry because you are human and as humans we all have fears. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will get angry at me. If you are not angry, there is no way you will lash out with abuse.
Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true. So to some extent, you do need to take whatever pessimistic things you say to yourself personally either. The mind has the ability to talk to itself and it also has the ability to remember past experiences that evoked similar thinking. You remember feelings, which then trigger your mind to jump to the conclusion that whatever happened in the past will happen again in the present. Emotions are strong and will override your thinking to promote your own survival because thinking takes time. So when you jump to the conclusion, you ate using your feeling as a predictor of the future based on your past. You distort reality by seeking to control the future.
Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don’t take it personal. If they tell you how wonderful you are, they are not saying that because of you. You must accept that you are wonderful. The key to not taking things personal is unconditional self acceptance. You, like all humans, are born loveable and worthwhile. You, like all humans will never be worth more or worth less. You, like all humans will never be superior or inferior. No matter how much money, status or power your have, you will never be a better person. No matter how little appreciation, respect or comfort you have, you will never be a worse person. Your success and achievements do not make you a more loveable human. Your failures and losses do not make you a less lovable person. You are always going to be good enough. If you accept that you are unconditionally worthwhile and lovable, it is not necessary to believe or rely on other people to tell you that you are wonderful.
Great article, so true. Thanks! Don’t take that too personally :-p
Phoenix Rose
November 22, 2011