Archive for January 6th, 2012
anger and grief
Q. I always knew I’d feel sad when my father died, but I wasn’t expecting to feel so angry. I snap at everyone. What’s wrong with me?
A. It may give you some comfort to know that anger is one of the most common emotions people feel while grieving.
This anger often gets misdirected. That may be what is happening to you when you are overreacting to, or snapping at, the people around you. Here’s a familiar pattern to consider — people who are angry at the deceased often feel guilty about it. You may find it helpful to acknowledge the real, human feelings, positive and negative, about the person you lost.
Unfortunately, snapping at loved ones tends to push them away at a time when you could use their support. So be mindful about letting your anger isolate you.
It may help you to reflect on what may be causing your anger. Is it easier for you to get angry than sad or anxious? You may be able to ward off snapping at people if you clue them in about how you are feeling. That may help them be more tolerant of your irritability. Stress-relief techniques like meditation or yoga may also take the edge off.
If simple techniques don’t work, you could talk to a professional. Irritability is sometimes a symptom of depression, and that can be treated. A psychotherapist may be able to help you understand better the source of your anger and help you develop more constructive ways of managing the anger when it comes up.
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